Joined: 01 May 2005 Location: Location Location Location
Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 6:22 pm Post subject:
This might be a dumb post so bear with me on this one Yep she is in a better place now looking down at us so remember she is watching to niv and vamp now you have a angel to look for when you are in heaven or when you get to heaven like i said in my oppiste post or my other post Niv and vampy GOD SPEED I know how you feel also my uncle died in the war in Iraq
I give a, I ask for a humble note from afar
prayer for my star
this what I grasp night and day I hope for loved ones far away
when I see you passing through my dreams
'my life is simple and I know what it means
peace on earth and good will to all beings
love for you and all things.
Ah.. I did not know thunder at all... I played vampy in a few (excellent) rounds of judas23.. so I merely (somewhat) know him.
But il say this, dealing with the loss of a loved one is hard, I hope you and your family can pull through this tragic event.
when reading through this thread, I do not think I saw what really happened to her, would anyone mind enlightening us?
My apologies if it is awnsered elsewhere on the forum.
Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 3:31 am Post subject: :,(
Ack this is painful news indeed. I was at the point where I was playing Thunder in the "friends of [s]clan" server nearly daily. She was a very skilled player, she kicked my butt (to no surprise). I am going to miss playing against her a lot.
I know it doesnt mean a lot coming from me, but I felt I had to post to tell you how much I, no how much WE will miss thunder. I am truely sorry Vampy, my deepest condolences to you, your family and everyone close to Thunder.
She may be gone here, but I am positive she has found peace. I am just happy I was able to know her.
Joined: 07 May 2005 Location: Bay Area, California
Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:51 am Post subject:
First of all, I apologize for bringing a dated thread back to the forefront here.
One of the things I have learned from my Psychiatrist, which I started seeing after losing Rachel, is that I can't dwell on Rachel's death and my guilt for not saving her all the time without driving myself into a deep depression. I was doing this for months, about ready to kill myself at one point. She told me to stop blaming myself for not saving her and to remember all of our great times together. This may sound cheesy, but we never had any bad moments, Rachel and I. We never fought, not even once. I can't say that about any other relationship I've been in. Rachel and I had been talking for months before we moved in together and even after that we never fought. Both of us were in bliss, on cloud 9, so-to-speak. We were deeply in love, which makes losing her so much harder for me.
My doctor's advice to me was to put all of our memories, letters, pictures, keepsakes, in a box and store it in a safe place, to be taken out at an opportune moment so that I can spend an hour simply with her, so to speak, through our memories, as well as writing letters to her and sealing them in envelopes. I've been doing this once or twice a month, and although I cry incessantly during each go-round, I feel somewhat at peace afterwards, because I feel that I am for those moments, as close as I can possibly be to her, giving her my undivided attention.
It may sound crazy, but I feel as if I am almost with her for those couple hours.
Today after my usual routine, I decided to open a different sort of box: the heartfelt and beautiful condolences left by the ZDaemon community, in this thread, to Vampy and myself the day after Rachel passed. That, too, brought tears to my eyes.
There were even a few messages from people who would consider themselves "at-odds" with me and Vampy (and vice versa; whatever "at-odds" means on ZDaemon). Since I don't remember us being at-odds with you until recently, it made me think that the entire idea of being at-odds with people who had such nice comments for my bro Vampy (as well as me) and condolences for my fiance Rachel, is nonsensical.
Therefore, to all the people in this thread who had such kind words for us and our families after Rachel's untimely death, thank you, and if there is a current "beef" between us, it just means that we forgot how good of friends we were at one point, so I really think it makes the most sense to drop said "beef".
Anyway, I'm going to head out to meet up with some friends. We're gonna hit up the 5-star Sushi/Teppanyaki place up there called Sapporo. It's on par with Nobu, if you know what that is! Great Kobe Beef!
I'll also be ording Sake, and Sake!
Sake = Salmon dish, Sake! = Rice Wine
You're a strong person, Niv. Very touching post and I am glad to see you are dealing with Rachels passing in such a sweet way.
I am sure she is still watching over you at all times and she loves you more than ever.
Its great to see a thread like this Niv, it really opens up your eyes. It makes you think life is for living and not for untold regrets. If only it was that simple; to live in the moment constantly, live for the day, the hour...Let your family know how much you mean to them... Grab at opportunities when they are presented to you...
Life is short, to short to dwell on the past. Its such a simple line but it has a unlimited depth of meaning. Of course not all aspects of "dwelling on the past" are bad, its healthy to recognise and cherish the positive memories you once had.
Cliche stuff really, but i know deep down these things matter the most, at least upon reflection.
Joined: 07 May 2005 Location: Bay Area, California
Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 8:47 am Post subject:
Shit, had me worried for a second... I thought Vampy lost another family member
Heh, no! Don't even say that! (Nothing against you Doom2pro, but just the thought ... well let's just say it's shitty). I keep in touch with the rest of Vampy's family through e-mail and written letters, they are wonderful people (just like Dave (vampy) and Rachel (thunder)).
If you girls/guys see Vampy around (I don't think he reads the forums much anymore), would you do me a favor and please let him know that your thoughts and prayers are with him, because I am quite positive he has his low-points regarding the loss of Rachel as well (he tries to hide them, as do I - you know the whole don't-express-your-emotions thing that males tend to live by). It would probably be good for him to know that people still remember and support him.
In conclusion, again: Thanks to all you people for being so understanding when Rachel died. Re-reading this thread, although it was very difficult for me, was also heartwarming and comforting.
Very sad to read through a topic on the loss of someone who obviously meant so very very much, and read posts made by people we've lost since then. But happy to see how important a part they were of their world.
She was loved.
He was loved.
In the end that's all any of us can really hope for, right?
Most heartfelt words niv, It's been a while since I thought about this or talked to you about it. I am happy to see you've made great strides in coping with your manic depression. Had me worried something else had happened but I'm glad to see it's good news instead.
People may never get over their pathetic little immature personal squabbles on zdaemon. But IMO conflict has always been part of the foundation of zdaemon, and thats why so many people have been driven away from it at one point or another...
Anyway I'm happy to hear everything is ok with you guys .
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