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To [DUI] Vampy, We are very sorry for your loss
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lockwolf
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Joined: 04 Nov 2004
Location: Nakremy's Pants Posts: More than you

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ashma attack in her sleep by what I heard
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sonic_13
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Joined: 08 May 2005

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 3:31 am    Post subject: :,( Reply with quote

Ack this is painful news indeed. I was at the point where I was playing Thunder in the "friends of [s]clan" server nearly daily. She was a very skilled player, she kicked my butt (to no surprise). I am going to miss playing against her a lot.
I know it doesnt mean a lot coming from me, but I felt I had to post to tell you how much I, no how much WE will miss thunder. I am truely sorry Vampy, my deepest condolences to you, your family and everyone close to Thunder.
She may be gone here, but I am positive she has found peace. I am just happy I was able to know her.
RIP Thunder!
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niv
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Joined: 07 May 2005
Location: Bay Area, California

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First of all, I apologize for bringing a dated thread back to the forefront here.

One of the things I have learned from my Psychiatrist, which I started seeing after losing Rachel, is that I can't dwell on Rachel's death and my guilt for not saving her all the time without driving myself into a deep depression. I was doing this for months, about ready to kill myself at one point. She told me to stop blaming myself for not saving her and to remember all of our great times together. This may sound cheesy, but we never had any bad moments, Rachel and I. We never fought, not even once. I can't say that about any other relationship I've been in. Rachel and I had been talking for months before we moved in together and even after that we never fought. Both of us were in bliss, on cloud 9, so-to-speak. We were deeply in love, which makes losing her so much harder for me.

My doctor's advice to me was to put all of our memories, letters, pictures, keepsakes, in a box and store it in a safe place, to be taken out at an opportune moment so that I can spend an hour simply with her, so to speak, through our memories, as well as writing letters to her and sealing them in envelopes. I've been doing this once or twice a month, and although I cry incessantly during each go-round, I feel somewhat at peace afterwards, because I feel that I am for those moments, as close as I can possibly be to her, giving her my undivided attention.

It may sound crazy, but I feel as if I am almost with her for those couple hours.

Today after my usual routine, I decided to open a different sort of box: the heartfelt and beautiful condolences left by the ZDaemon community, in this thread, to Vampy and myself the day after Rachel passed. That, too, brought tears to my eyes.

There were even a few messages from people who would consider themselves "at-odds" with me and Vampy (and vice versa; whatever "at-odds" means on ZDaemon). Since I don't remember us being at-odds with you until recently, it made me think that the entire idea of being at-odds with people who had such nice comments for my bro Vampy (as well as me) and condolences for my fiance Rachel, is nonsensical.

Therefore, to all the people in this thread who had such kind words for us and our families after Rachel's untimely death, thank you, and if there is a current "beef" between us, it just means that we forgot how good of friends we were at one point, so I really think it makes the most sense to drop said "beef".

Anyway, I'm going to head out to meet up with some friends. We're gonna hit up the 5-star Sushi/Teppanyaki place up there called Sapporo. It's on par with Nobu, if you know what that is! Great Kobe Beef!

I'll also be ording Sake, and Sake!
Sake = Salmon dish, Sake! = Rice Wine Wink

Have a good night.
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Quiksilver
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Joined: 02 Dec 2004
Location: Portlandia, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm serious niv, you made me cry.
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Kitty
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Joined: 20 Nov 2005
Location: Canada, eh.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're a strong person, Niv. Very touching post and I am glad to see you are dealing with Rachels passing in such a sweet way.
I am sure she is still watching over you at all times and she loves you more than ever.
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Vampire Knight
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Joined: 10 Apr 2004
Location: Castlevania

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its great to see a thread like this Niv, it really opens up your eyes. It makes you think life is for living and not for untold regrets. If only it was that simple; to live in the moment constantly, live for the day, the hour...Let your family know how much you mean to them... Grab at opportunities when they are presented to you...
Life is short, to short to dwell on the past. Its such a simple line but it has a unlimited depth of meaning. Of course not all aspects of "dwelling on the past" are bad, its healthy to recognise and cherish the positive memories you once had.

Cliche stuff really, but i know deep down these things matter the most, at least upon reflection.

Good to hear from you buddy.
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niv
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Joined: 07 May 2005
Location: Bay Area, California

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 5:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really love all the positive energy around here. It's nice having a medium-sized community where everybody knows each other and can relate as well as empathize and sympathize.
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Doom2pro
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Joined: 03 Oct 2002
Location: Glens Falls, NY. USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 6:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shit, had me worried for a second... I thought Vampy lost another family member Crying or Very sad
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niv
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Joined: 07 May 2005
Location: Bay Area, California

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 8:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Doom2pro wrote:
Shit, had me worried for a second... I thought Vampy lost another family member Crying or Very sad


Heh, no! Don't even say that! (Nothing against you Doom2pro, but just the thought ... well let's just say it's shitty). I keep in touch with the rest of Vampy's family through e-mail and written letters, they are wonderful people (just like Dave (vampy) and Rachel (thunder)).

If you girls/guys see Vampy around (I don't think he reads the forums much anymore), would you do me a favor and please let him know that your thoughts and prayers are with him, because I am quite positive he has his low-points regarding the loss of Rachel as well (he tries to hide them, as do I - you know the whole don't-express-your-emotions thing that males tend to live by). It would probably be good for him to know that people still remember and support him.

In conclusion, again: Thanks to all you people for being so understanding when Rachel died. Re-reading this thread, although it was very difficult for me, was also heartwarming and comforting.
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ZERO99
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Joined: 23 Jun 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sad to hear of this news, our hearts are with you while you get through this vampy.
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Doomination
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Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Location: It's NOT lupus. Posts: 6.022 x 10^23

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

zero, the incident happened about 2 years ago, but regardless, stay strong, niv, vampy, and all your family members.
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Rellik
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Joined: 23 Nov 2002

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very sad to read through a topic on the loss of someone who obviously meant so very very much, and read posts made by people we've lost since then. But happy to see how important a part they were of their world.

She was loved.

He was loved.

In the end that's all any of us can really hope for, right?

Eternal peace,
zero ping,
and an SSG.
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Slayer420
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Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Most heartfelt words niv, It's been a while since I thought about this or talked to you about it. I am happy to see you've made great strides in coping with your manic depression. Had me worried something else had happened but I'm glad to see it's good news instead.

People may never get over their pathetic little immature personal squabbles on zdaemon. But IMO conflict has always been part of the foundation of zdaemon, and thats why so many people have been driven away from it at one point or another...

Anyway I'm happy to hear everything is ok with you guys Smile.
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TheMionicDonut
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Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Location: Burgertopia

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its good to see people still care for each other.
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HavocDemon
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Joined: 03 Jun 2007
Location: through hell and back

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 3:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i miss her niv. we played a couple and that was about it, but it didnt take very much to befriend her at all.

my deepest regards, she wont be forgotten

ever need anything (not that theres much i can do over ZD), but if theres anything, be sure to ask.

Hoped for the best and let go of the rest
may her memory live on
-Havoc
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HumanBones
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Joined: 01 Jun 2004
Location: Shangri-La Dee Da

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Niv: I'm really glad to see that, although it is taking some time, you are getting through this. Dealing with the passing of someone close to you is never easy. My original post in this thread was not as sincere as it could have been, however I hope (and I'm you sure you do) know how I really felt.

I'm just really glad that you're getting through this, because I know how tough it must be for you. I've brought many personal problems to people here, and they've helped me through them. I hope you dont forget that we're here for you if you need anything (and vampy too, cant forget you Smile).
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Roscoe3000
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Joined: 25 Jul 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*This* is a thread worth ressurecting. I had only heard rumours about Thunder. This thread told me a lot. Niv, Vampy, all involved, I'm sorry for your loss of such a short time ago. Niv, way to pull through, man. You are strong. I'm sure that Vampy and family are doing the same.

This thread... It makes me think "I wish I could've met her" but it also makes me think...

"I'm glad to know you all" Cool

This message humbly and sincerely brought to you by

-The Stooge
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BaRaKa
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Joined: 12 May 2003
Location: az

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eyah she was awsome. Talked to her alot about niv back in the day Smile
I would clue her in with all the juicy details about NiV Laughing

Thunder told me her & niv were talking alot lately I was @ niv's house one night he's sneaking around talking all sweet on the phone I told him right then & there "I know who yer talking to" Don't worry secret safe with me Twisted Evil

W3rd Up

Wink
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switcher
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Joined: 26 Jun 2004
Location: DUI All The Way

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

From personal experience with these things, I've found there's no such thing as 'closure' and you never really 'get over' them.
There is nothing worse than losing a loved one.
You just learn to accept that it is what it is and you move on.
The hole is always there, it's just that you get used to dealing with it as time glosses things over.
Glad to see you're getting along Niv.
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Skitz0.X
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Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: aka xtrackt

PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can't say I knew Thunder very well, but Vampy...Niv...I've known both of you fairly well for a while now.
Niv especially...to some degree, I'm disgusted by some of my haunting memories of Niv signing on as "Y" beating everyone on DoomServ, humbling me to a despicable degree Razz

*shakes his head*

It's difficult to really word anything that doesn't sound trite or fake...as a passing of someone is an unreal and tragically hard thing to deal with.
I don't "know" how any of you feel...Vampy...Niv...family...but I do know how it feels to lose someone close.
All I can say is it's pretty impressive to see your post, Niv.

Introspective and strong words coming from a strong man.
Good for you.

Once more, you humble me Wink
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